So last week I called in sick to work twice. As I am self-employed what that meant was not doing work I had scheduled to complete – the client had to wait. At first I struggled with the decision to call in sick, but after I thought about it, things became very clear.
I was unwell last week – emotionally drained and physically toast. I needed a break. I could not focus on menial tasks, let alone professional ones.
My struggle with calling in sick stems from two places: one – as a self-employed person, if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. And, two – as a self-employed person, I must be invincible.
Where did I get this idea from?
Last week I knew I couldn’t give my all. My effort would have been half-assed at best. I chose to stay in integrity to myself and my client by postponing the work. When I told my client this, she said she would prefer my whole ass be in the game, so to speak. I was overwhelmed with relief.
But why did I struggle with this decision so much? I know as a healer when there is emotion around an issue, there is some digging needed.
Here’s what I came up with: calling in sick = imperfection = I am not enough = client goes elsewhere = abandonment and rejection. Phew! Okay, THIS line of juicy stuff I can work with.
It was all so easy once I broke it down – just old tapes trying to replay in the context of my business.
So I relaxed into that knowing and signed heavily knowing that I am, indeed, enough.
This STUFF of ours we take into our work lives. It doesn’t matter if you are self-employed or work for someone else. Our stuff follows us. It’s what we choose to do with it, in the context of our businesses, and our lives, that matters. It’s just that simple.